That’s Robb Schuneman up there.

He runs about 6’3 240. Enjoys music, books, people, things like that mainly. One of those types.

Mostly, Robb Schuneman is a big ole’ potato cake. Mostly.

• One time when he was young, his sister told him that she had jumped out of a birthday cake to surprise him on the occasion of his first birthday. He believed her up until the time he was about 12, when he casually mentioned the episode in a humorous manner to his friends in front of his parents. Those same parents then looked at him sadly, strangely, and forthrightly before they informed him of this truth that he would always remember: his sister = liar. This brought shame in front of his friends.

• One time, around 4th grade, Robb’s babysitter, Chris Baker, somehow mentioned to a massive group of Robb’s neighborhood friends (whom Robb had tried desperately to impress for most of his young life) that there was some desitin in the bathroom that was used for Robb. Desitin is diaper rash creme. But, you know, Robb was a very active boy, in all respects. Including bladdatorialy. It could also be used for bum pain relief. A boy sometimes needs such things. Robb couldn’t help this. The boys were merciless in their taunts. They called him baby, and that was the best of it. Many a tear did flow at that time.

• It was discovered that Robb was definitely cross-eyed as a youth when he asked his parents why there were now two Mr. Rogers. It was not a special episode where they did camera tricks like on The Parent Trap. It’s interesting that Robb’s pupils pointing toward each other didn’t tip people off…huh.

• Once, while in junior high (a sad fact, as you’ll soon see), Robb went on a trip to Discovery Zone with his youth group. Upon receiving something like 350 tickets from various games, he looked over the prizes and saw two choices – a large stuffed animal for 325 tickets…or little attachable monkey that were 10 for 1 ticket. Robb cashed in all of his tickets for monkeys. The employees had to search all over the store for nearly half an hour to find 3,500 monkeys…eventually coming up slightly short. The monkeys hung all around his room for a few weeks, and then were sold in a garage sale for around 75 cents. I’m not certain, but am willing to wager that the employees’ anger still burns.

• Once, when in junior high, Robb was picked up for the weekly “Breakfast Club” at about 7:00 in the morning by his youth pastor, along with many others in the church van. While making their way to McDonald’s, the youth pastor, Steve, asked if the roads were clear for him to pull out. Upon hearing generally affirmative moans from sleepy kids, Steve began to pull out. Robb said “Wait!” in a desperate attempt to be funny. Steve hit the brakes, realized from Robb’s smile that this was somehow supposed to be funny, and said “That’s not funny.” in a firm voice.  – He was right, that was not funny, and actually quite a bit dangerous. Robb wouldn’t realize this for another couple of hours, and somewhat pouted through the breakfast club. Robb was alternatingly a heartbreakingly cute and painstakingly annoying boy until he reached the age of..oh, let’s say 19.